Undignified

My boy finally returned to school today. I think he was thrilled to be out of the house for a change. Who can blame him? The poor child had been sick since Sunday.

When he arrived at home this afternoon, he handed me a large envelope. I immediately recognized that it was from the company that takes all of the school portraits. "Ooh. Your class picture," I said. "Not exactly," was the boy's reply.

The boy was right. The envelope contained a portrait of my son, apparently taken the same day as the class picture. In an effort to tug at this Mama's heart strings and make some money, the company had sent home a $40 package of pictures for me to purchase.

The boy immediately pointed out how terrible the picture was. Ironically, he didn't comment on the fact that his face was out of focus. He didn't bring up how his hair was an unnatural shade of orange. He neglected to point out how bizarre the lighting was. His entire focus was on his shirt.

As I looked, I noticed it too. The way the boy was posing had caused his shirt to gape open at the neck, exposing a large portion of his chest. I actually started giggling when I saw it.

"Do you see what they did to me?" the boy asked. "They stripped me of my dignity!" he shouted. My child was visibly upset.

They sure stripped him of something. His shirt? Yes. His dignity? Well, that remains to be seen. Suffice to say, I will not be purchasing the scandalous pictures. They will be returned to his teacher on Monday.

When I was growing up, my parents always purchased the same package of school pictures. For some reason they loved the pose that had my face on a black background and then, as an added bonus, my profile floating above the left side of my head. It was horrendous.

While the composition of said picture left something to be desired, the actual photography was always quite good. My face was always in focus, the coloring spot on. I'm not quite sure what has transpired over the twenty plus years since I was in elementary school.

My boy has posed for six school pictures during his three years of school (they now take fall and spring pictures). Despite their best efforts, the portrait company has only managed to snap one decent photograph. One out of six. With all the technology that is available today, I was foolishly expecting better odds.

Make no mistake, I recognize that the school photographer is not Annie Leibowitz. I merely desire a picture where my boy's face is in focus and his skin is, well, the color of normal skin. Is that too much to ask?