The Lazy Painter

I have been systematically working my way though some projects here at the old Ha house. You know, those things that get put off until a spare hour or ten can be located.

Many of these projects involve repainting some of the rooms in our house. While I am pretty good about touching up the occasional scuff or scrape, the majority of these walls haven't been painted in years. It looks like a mob of wild banshees tore though the house leaving no wall unmarred.

To some degree that is an accurate assessment. Although, instead of wild banshees, it was a crazed red head.

I had about four hours burning a hole in my pocket today and decided to put them to good use by painting the hallway. Halfway through the project I came to the realization that I am a lazy painter.

Before I elaborate, I should tell you a little bit about my painting style. First, I am insanely fast. You would be hard pressed to find someone who could paint a room faster. If painting were an Olympic sport, I would win the gold medal.

Second, I never tape off. I have an incredibly steady hand and have found that the tedious job of taping around the ceilings and woodwork only slows me down. In retrospect I should have become a surgeon and put these hands to good use.

Third, I never use a drop cloth. You may consider that reckless, but I beg to differ. In all the years that I have been painting, I have never spilled a drop.

Quick, steady and neat.. I'm an ideal painter. Well, except for the lazy part.

My Mom called while I was painting today. As we were talking, she asked about my progress and commented that I was zipping along. It was then that I realized the truth. I am lazy. Here's why...

Not only do I not tape off or use a drop cloth, I no longer use a paint rolling tray. Before you run me out of town, allow me to explain.

How did I stoop to such lows? I blame it all on my boy's bedroom. In the summer of 2008, I gave my boy's room a complete makeover. After months of negotiation, we came to an understanding that I would paint three of his walls a light tan and the fourth a bold orange color.

It was the five coats of orange paint (two coats of primer followed by an additional three coats of paint) that did me in. Imagine cutting in around all four edges of the wall and window, wrapping the brush in saran wrap so it doesn't dry out, filling the paint tray with paint and rolling the middle. Then imagine putting the paint tray and roller into a trash bag to prevent drying, unwrapping the paintbrush and starting the second coat.

After repeating this process three times, I decided that there had to be a better system. I rummaged through my painting supplies and came up with what I believe is a brilliant solution. You be the judge.

Once I had painted the edges, I took a mini paint roller, the kind that is perfect for small jobs or hard to reach places. Instead of breaking out the cumbersome paint tray, I dipped the mini roller directly into my can of pain, wiped the excess on the edge of the can and rolled away.

The wall was finished in record time thus solidifying my resolve to never use a paint tray again.

Over the years, I have simplified the process even further. Today I switched back-and-forth between the brush and roller, painting one small section of the hallway before moving on to the next.

I know that the majority of you out there in internet land religiously adhere to the proper painting techniques. Many of you are probably thinking, "That's great, but what do your walls look like?"

I can honestly tell you that my walls look perfect. Even under the highest scrutiny, it is impossible to tell that they were painted by a crazy... I mean lazy woman.