Cylotron 5000

© shoutingforha

I'm going to let you in on a little secret.  In addition to being ridiculously good looking and incredibly intelligent, the hubby and I are fierce Nerf warriors.  Throngs of third grade boys have tried to conquer us, without success.  

Whenever the boy has a friend over to the house, the first words out of their mouth are usually, "Will you have a Nerf battle with us?"  Most days, we are happy to oblige.  

The hubby and I have never joined forces against the wee people.  It wouldn't be a fair fight.  Instead, we prefer to alternate warrior duties.

I tend to take a rather relaxed approach when it comes to Nerf battles.  My weapon of choice is a single shot Nerf gun and a bag of suction darts that I hang from my belt loop.  I calmly walk though the house, load my gun, take aim and systematically fire at the kids.  

75% of my darts hit their target.  I'm just that good.  

As I pelt the children, I like to annoy them by loudly declaring each of my well-aimed shots.  "Perfect head shot!"  "Ooh, crotch shot.  That had to hurt!"  "Right in the heart!"  It's great fun.  

The hubby, on the other hand, takes a far more physical approach.  He usually dons some type of crazy mask (like the tinfoil one pictured above), arms himself with a plastic sword, random Nerf gun or Hulk Hands, and tells the boys to go hide. 

The boys, armed to the hilt with countless Nerf guns, LED flashlights and night vision goggles, turn off all the lights, draw the curtains and take cover in one of their multiple bunkers in an effort to fend off the coming attack.  In the end, all of their efforts will be futile, and they know it.  They spend the next few minutes, cowering in fear, waiting for the battle to begin.

It is only then, that Cylotron 5000 (the hubby's name for his alien warrior alter-ego) launches his attack.  In a booming robot voice, the hubby informs the boys that they are about to be defeated.  Then without warning, he rushes into their hiding place and begins his assault.

Once the boys have fired all their ammunition, they resort to a physical assault on Cylotron 5000.  They leap onto his back and hurl punches in an effort to bring the alien warrior to his knees.  Unfortunately, the alien is too strong.

The battle usually ends with one of the boys being drug by his feet towards Cylotron 5000's space ship.  As he screams for help, his comrade mounts one final attack in a last ditch attempt to kill the beast.  His heroic efforts pay off.  Cylotron 5000 limps back to his space ship in defeat.

The victory celebration is usually short-lived.  The boys know that the alien warrior will be back, stronger, ready to mount a new attack.  For now, there are preparations that need to be made and what's worse, Nerf darts to pick up.